You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
