I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
