i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
