God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
