I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
