I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
