at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
