There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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