I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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