You did not just play the dead husband card again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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