I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize