we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's never too late to be topless.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize