i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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