I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
