Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
