she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
there is glitter all over my balls
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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