dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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