Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
