Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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