oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
