why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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