Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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