You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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