You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
