In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
