I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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