I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
