you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
