The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
