Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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