I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
