your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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