oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize