I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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