No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
