haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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