my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
