i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
