my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
