too bad you live with your parents still
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he just fucked me for my cheese.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
