you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she peed on how many people?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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