if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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