a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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