She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
