To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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