Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
