Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
