im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need a burrito and a hug.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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