I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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