I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's intense
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
