Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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