Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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