i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
