i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
