I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
