im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
