Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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