I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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