he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
