i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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