Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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