I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
