apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
