I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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