she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
