omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
