Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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