I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize