how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone signed my nipple.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize