Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
