doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My penis needs a shock collar
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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