I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
