Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He felt like a one man threesome
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
