I'm lost and stupid without you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
