He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
