Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize