My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just found a bag of teeth...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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