I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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