I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
